Tuesday, April 29, 2008

In bed with the Major

A lot of people ask me, so Major, what do you do in bed all day?
Well that’s easy, I reply.

In the morning, I start to convince myself that I don’t need a shower.

At around 11, I try to ignore my thirst for a coffee (I quit absorbing any kind of liquid as this automatically ends up by me having to get up to go to the loo).

I mentally dance around listening to Mgmt’s Kids.

I skip lunch (massively overrated if you want my opinion).

I do a few exercises to stimulate my sore knee.

I faint.

At that stage of the day it is generally accepted that I don’t need a shower that desperately.

I concentrate on a series of objects such as pens, books or cell phones in order to move them around simply with thought.

In the evening –and it’s so much fun - I watch the hairs on my leg grow back.

But watch out, every day I set a new challenge for myself
Tomorrow, I’ll put on a sock.


nuttycow said...

Oh Major, you are feeling sorry for yourself. Sadface.

Feel better soon.

Rosie said...

i don't feel sorry for you in the slightest. i would dearly love a day in bed where all i had to worry about was putting on a sock.

Jayne said...

A sock! I wish my life was as exciting as yours...

Rosie said...

congratulations, sir! just read the news over at herself's. i'm delighted for you both.

Nick said...

Well, I gather you're now mobile enough and besotted enough to get hitched to the Mademoiselle. Here's wishing you a tsunami of future happiness!